last night as I came from work, there was small cat crying by the door, she was really small and pathetic she was sitting near the same place where there was another small cat I have been feeding in the past few months,
I ignored her and kept moving toward the door, I got in and I found small bird that perhaps lost its way and got inside the building, I tried to capture and I succeed at the end.
I took it to the roof and I let it go the bird shit on me couple times.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Life moves on.
I wasn't feeling right last week, the situation had me thinking about many things about my life.
In particular this issue was raised, and that was how much ones think he knows and how much he thinks he don't know…very broad statement however is it possible that one looks upon things through a lens can previous experience really matter at the end or not ?
What really counts as an experience at the end?
I think of my mistakes and things that I had planned in the past, and those ones that could or might have happened if we were to be together.
I can recall my few years after she left me, with some kind of amazement indeed.. if it was not for school and work and the struggle involved in between, I am not sure what I would have done then, living alone like I did.
Also think from her side which is normal, she did not see the situation the same way I saw it, I was struggling with my visa and with my stay papers, and I had flipped through schools and majors at schools plus on more personal level I was a afraid to fly in America ever since 2003 to be exact I think the shit put on television got to me at last thought that was not the case before.
There with security guards stopping any brown person Latino or otherwise
I think I mentioned to her on many times and I think either she did not understand or she really did not care or maybe I don’t know.
Could it be possible that I over estimated the whole thing ?
Could it be possible I cant call this all as in amateur move at all which brings me to my point...its not.
This was a normal love story and broader patrol and inspection officers were the ones playing the inbetweens.
Plus it show how much those two cultures developed and undeveloped some how cant mix with out a power struggle of some sort,.
On the personal level I think I hated the fact that she did not tell me all this at the end or in the process of being together, I think that is what angered me, this loose way of doing things did not work and I think that was perhaps hurts me the most, the lack of communications and loosing at the common solution.
I had tried on many occasions to assimilate to that culture I think I did well except I did not do well in the language part, out of laziness but more I drew from those who were in similar situations around and they also did not bother to know more about that language or culture because at the end it wasn't what got them in the relationship in the first place.
I wasn't feeling right last week, the situation had me thinking about many things about my life.
In particular this issue was raised, and that was how much ones think he knows and how much he thinks he don't know…very broad statement however is it possible that one looks upon things through a lens can previous experience really matter at the end or not ?
What really counts as an experience at the end?
I think of my mistakes and things that I had planned in the past, and those ones that could or might have happened if we were to be together.
I can recall my few years after she left me, with some kind of amazement indeed.. if it was not for school and work and the struggle involved in between, I am not sure what I would have done then, living alone like I did.
Also think from her side which is normal, she did not see the situation the same way I saw it, I was struggling with my visa and with my stay papers, and I had flipped through schools and majors at schools plus on more personal level I was a afraid to fly in America ever since 2003 to be exact I think the shit put on television got to me at last thought that was not the case before.
There with security guards stopping any brown person Latino or otherwise
I think I mentioned to her on many times and I think either she did not understand or she really did not care or maybe I don’t know.
Could it be possible that I over estimated the whole thing ?
Could it be possible I cant call this all as in amateur move at all which brings me to my point...its not.
This was a normal love story and broader patrol and inspection officers were the ones playing the inbetweens.
Plus it show how much those two cultures developed and undeveloped some how cant mix with out a power struggle of some sort,.
On the personal level I think I hated the fact that she did not tell me all this at the end or in the process of being together, I think that is what angered me, this loose way of doing things did not work and I think that was perhaps hurts me the most, the lack of communications and loosing at the common solution.
I had tried on many occasions to assimilate to that culture I think I did well except I did not do well in the language part, out of laziness but more I drew from those who were in similar situations around and they also did not bother to know more about that language or culture because at the end it wasn't what got them in the relationship in the first place.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Highly likely bullshit
I have been wondering for sometime
as to what point one tries to make something work and think at the end it will when it doesn't
I think as one gets to be back home he/she is very much inclined to listen and pay attention to the environment around him or her.
I think that’s what people call ‘realistic’ this means you can think all you want about something but if the people around find that thing highly unlikely then it’s not real and it’s not even in consideration.
One good example that I am dealing with or dealt with,
Breaking up in a relationship is hard, on both sides what about when that relationship is also a long distance relationship such as those made on the net, or those who the people actually had met and then had to take different paths , there are always extremes I noticed when one tries to fix such relationship its always about keep in contact and be in touch, what these advices fail to tell is the persons involved are in affect into fixing or are they really into going their own way.
I think woman are more of wanting to go their own way more so than men.
I mean it did not take long for her to listen to the people around her, it's amazing how the few and around can change someone who they feel is not conforming to the ideals of the surroundings,
I noticed now it seems relevant to pick on things such as age and looks, and look back at things that seemed normal, how is that so ?
I think I have seen such attitudes in South east Asians or at least the people I had worked with, they seemed to diss those who they had worked with or left them for good during a dispute or something similar. Is that normal ? if so when did it start
as to what point one tries to make something work and think at the end it will when it doesn't
I think as one gets to be back home he/she is very much inclined to listen and pay attention to the environment around him or her.
I think that’s what people call ‘realistic’ this means you can think all you want about something but if the people around find that thing highly unlikely then it’s not real and it’s not even in consideration.
One good example that I am dealing with or dealt with,
Breaking up in a relationship is hard, on both sides what about when that relationship is also a long distance relationship such as those made on the net, or those who the people actually had met and then had to take different paths , there are always extremes I noticed when one tries to fix such relationship its always about keep in contact and be in touch, what these advices fail to tell is the persons involved are in affect into fixing or are they really into going their own way.
I think woman are more of wanting to go their own way more so than men.
I mean it did not take long for her to listen to the people around her, it's amazing how the few and around can change someone who they feel is not conforming to the ideals of the surroundings,
I noticed now it seems relevant to pick on things such as age and looks, and look back at things that seemed normal, how is that so ?
I think I have seen such attitudes in South east Asians or at least the people I had worked with, they seemed to diss those who they had worked with or left them for good during a dispute or something similar. Is that normal ? if so when did it start
Future that changes realtions ?
is it really the Future that changes relations ?
funny she thinks that i am still stuck in the past, and worse in the past memories, how can one person be so stupids ?
it is not the past memories that i am stuck in it is the future that i was upset about,
this will be a limited life span get married and make some babies and live normal life when normal did not show up on their grounds since WWII
these are people who Americans, Koreans and Chinese wants them to be just like that Artificial people, notice how much they do to show the world they are as the rest but they are still stuck in that 80's mentalist i dont think they will ever recover from it and they by showing new comers attitude they are not helping as well
funny she thinks that i am still stuck in the past, and worse in the past memories, how can one person be so stupids ?
it is not the past memories that i am stuck in it is the future that i was upset about,
this will be a limited life span get married and make some babies and live normal life when normal did not show up on their grounds since WWII
these are people who Americans, Koreans and Chinese wants them to be just like that Artificial people, notice how much they do to show the world they are as the rest but they are still stuck in that 80's mentalist i dont think they will ever recover from it and they by showing new comers attitude they are not helping as well
The Saudi Gajin
she cant seem to be able to explain to him that they are not for each others
he thought that it was all possible,
for him things dont makes sense as how fast things can do change
it is amazing how the pressure for settling down for woman sometimes seem hard
This is a lady from Japan, she lives in a small island in the north of Japan, she was involved with a guy from Saudi, and they kept some aspect of their relationship a live, by phone calls and emails and so forth
she had to leave the States and head back to her country and try to fit into her own society after she had spent most of her years in the US, this is all prior to 9/11 which is important to the way things had been between them.
he saw that as an opportunity to excel on himself after all Saudi is a developing country and most Saudis at least he had met sought in getting married or aquatinted with people from the 'First World' as something good to have around.
However with this Japanese girl she seemed to know what she wanted, in fact from his talk he always noticed how they seem well organized Japanese students who came to the states seemed to him that US seemed to them as the culture that over stepped theirs conquered them in their homeland in Japan and it something they had to keep a close eye at.
admittedly she knew what she wanted there were signs of extreme self love and self loath in the same time
and most of the time acts as an underachiever a person a student who fails to achieve her potential or does not do as well as expected, even though she had real good comprehension of what she was doing or not doing, he always wondered why.
What amazed him was there were no apparent potential of her that she could identifies and always strive to get to the utmost pinnacle but always there was this Japanese self doubt in her that he saw in most of them.
I think that is the Japanese society that most Japanese like to talk about, as something genuinely Japanese, it is not for the simple reason that it did not show up in the past of their recorded history, and showed up in the 18-19th century i.e after science and democracy was introduced to them from the outside,
I think a Japanese person looks at big companies there and thinks that he she is small to these companies so he is even smaller to the world experience as whole, this not humble i think this is a sign of unfreeze thinking society and very limited in life experience , notice Life experience not nature experience.
this girl is the best example in this case, she feels that Japanese pressure, Japanese people are aware of their country's economic export superiority
very easy manipulated people, and very poor in human interaction and sometimes racist as well,
this is what he thought he was going to change but he couldn't she was going to go back to her home and live that Japanese life,
he thought that it was all possible,
for him things dont makes sense as how fast things can do change
it is amazing how the pressure for settling down for woman sometimes seem hard
This is a lady from Japan, she lives in a small island in the north of Japan, she was involved with a guy from Saudi, and they kept some aspect of their relationship a live, by phone calls and emails and so forth
she had to leave the States and head back to her country and try to fit into her own society after she had spent most of her years in the US, this is all prior to 9/11 which is important to the way things had been between them.
he saw that as an opportunity to excel on himself after all Saudi is a developing country and most Saudis at least he had met sought in getting married or aquatinted with people from the 'First World' as something good to have around.
However with this Japanese girl she seemed to know what she wanted, in fact from his talk he always noticed how they seem well organized Japanese students who came to the states seemed to him that US seemed to them as the culture that over stepped theirs conquered them in their homeland in Japan and it something they had to keep a close eye at.
admittedly she knew what she wanted there were signs of extreme self love and self loath in the same time
and most of the time acts as an underachiever a person a student who fails to achieve her potential or does not do as well as expected, even though she had real good comprehension of what she was doing or not doing, he always wondered why.
What amazed him was there were no apparent potential of her that she could identifies and always strive to get to the utmost pinnacle but always there was this Japanese self doubt in her that he saw in most of them.
I think that is the Japanese society that most Japanese like to talk about, as something genuinely Japanese, it is not for the simple reason that it did not show up in the past of their recorded history, and showed up in the 18-19th century i.e after science and democracy was introduced to them from the outside,
I think a Japanese person looks at big companies there and thinks that he she is small to these companies so he is even smaller to the world experience as whole, this not humble i think this is a sign of unfreeze thinking society and very limited in life experience , notice Life experience not nature experience.
this girl is the best example in this case, she feels that Japanese pressure, Japanese people are aware of their country's economic export superiority
very easy manipulated people, and very poor in human interaction and sometimes racist as well,
this is what he thought he was going to change but he couldn't she was going to go back to her home and live that Japanese life,
Thursday, October 01, 2009
The saint louis summer times
Was the best times ? was it the good times
In either case it was sometimes and it passed.
I want to settle down she said I cant forget you but I want to she told
I walk around and I look at things you know, I want move on but I am weak to say it.
I want you to know that I loved long ago.
I want you hear me when I am alone you know
I moved and its only you who is attached to this you see.
I want to leave the saint Louis summer alone with its goodness.
We are but different people you and I you cant get it why I cant say.
I live a different life I do, I want to
We are not the same saint Louis is not the same
Since 2004 I couldn’t see why we are together
By 05 06 07 08 09 ! why cant you just let me go
I want attention not this kind though
We were something we are not anymore
Let me go and let saint Louis times go along
Time to move one and you should too
Was the best times ? was it the good times
In either case it was sometimes and it passed.
I want to settle down she said I cant forget you but I want to she told
I walk around and I look at things you know, I want move on but I am weak to say it.
I want you to know that I loved long ago.
I want you hear me when I am alone you know
I moved and its only you who is attached to this you see.
I want to leave the saint Louis summer alone with its goodness.
We are but different people you and I you cant get it why I cant say.
I live a different life I do, I want to
We are not the same saint Louis is not the same
Since 2004 I couldn’t see why we are together
By 05 06 07 08 09 ! why cant you just let me go
I want attention not this kind though
We were something we are not anymore
Let me go and let saint Louis times go along
Time to move one and you should too
Friday, September 18, 2009
Dry hairy love
his uncle told him its time to head to jeddah, they had lived in this small village in the south for long time and it was time for them to head lil bit north.
the uncle knew from his father that this place the village is nothing, and he cant and wont be able to make a living in this place,
there is Jeddah that city where he can go there and do some work at the sea port, do some labor work and things will improve.
after a long while, his son hated all the facts his dad was telling him about " I have a Phd degree, I sit down with all theses nice people in the city, what you mean you were just tea boy at some gov building?"
" thats the way it was, plus if it wasn't for that job I wouldn't be able to get u kids these good things you wanted"
the uncle knew from his father that this place the village is nothing, and he cant and wont be able to make a living in this place,
there is Jeddah that city where he can go there and do some work at the sea port, do some labor work and things will improve.
after a long while, his son hated all the facts his dad was telling him about " I have a Phd degree, I sit down with all theses nice people in the city, what you mean you were just tea boy at some gov building?"
" thats the way it was, plus if it wasn't for that job I wouldn't be able to get u kids these good things you wanted"
never-ending HO
He put his back on the wall in the dark hallway of the building in Sharafia, all sweating nervous and he cant focus, he had a hard time from this just last encounter with the girl he has been looking at in her window.
they were just together till someone or something moved the door at the rooftop entry, when he had to rush fast downstairs.
he stood with the hard on, dark hallway,started banging back his head to the wall, " Why I cant stop my sexual urges, I tired it all I did it all I think U did all type of woman, men, animals I did them all why god why cant I stop wanting sex I really cant I got married I got divorced I have kids what is this why is that why me"
they were just together till someone or something moved the door at the rooftop entry, when he had to rush fast downstairs.
he stood with the hard on, dark hallway,started banging back his head to the wall, " Why I cant stop my sexual urges, I tired it all I did it all I think U did all type of woman, men, animals I did them all why god why cant I stop wanting sex I really cant I got married I got divorced I have kids what is this why is that why me"
the first real love child
sometimes during high school, it was one of those rare few times he had pumped into Adel a neighbor and a child hood friend a good friend to his elder brother.
in fact Adel's family were from those few families who had moved to this deserted area just as as his grandfather did 25 years ago.
Around that time a family of Palestinian lived there, all kids in the same neighborhood, their second eldest son Khalid and his other brothers,they were poor but they looked good at least of impoverished people.
He only got to see Khalid one more time for the last time during High school Khalid was riding a GM suburban 88 or 89 Grey with him rode a chubby slightly dark girl who was pregnant at the time.
Khalid with Adle who was riding with them on the back seat this time plus an infant girl who was the love child of khalid and and the chubby girl. the mom was harbia and Khalid was the father.
he haven't seen him after that, but he did bump into his younger brother who was working at another Palestinian old man in Al Andalus selling candy serving plates.
in fact Adel's family were from those few families who had moved to this deserted area just as as his grandfather did 25 years ago.
Around that time a family of Palestinian lived there, all kids in the same neighborhood, their second eldest son Khalid and his other brothers,they were poor but they looked good at least of impoverished people.
He only got to see Khalid one more time for the last time during High school Khalid was riding a GM suburban 88 or 89 Grey with him rode a chubby slightly dark girl who was pregnant at the time.
Khalid with Adle who was riding with them on the back seat this time plus an infant girl who was the love child of khalid and and the chubby girl. the mom was harbia and Khalid was the father.
he haven't seen him after that, but he did bump into his younger brother who was working at another Palestinian old man in Al Andalus selling candy serving plates.
white eyes blue skin
Arabushi grew up in the states, he wasn't born there but he was raised there.
911 happened in NYC arabushi was driving with one of his friends who looked also arabushi, they spoke English just like any blue skin in the land.
his friend was talking about how angry about how since he couldn't be a blue skin like the most of his other friends who were blue.
friend told arabushi that he is been watching the news for some time, and he noticed that people that looks like himself have been bombed the shit out of them by the states. and he was frustrated.
because he is here wants relate to blue people but blue people in his level really dont want his type, even tho he speaks exactly the same as they are,
as they were speaking and driving cops in south Carolina stopped them,
the copper told the guy your gonna go to jail because you an arab and a Muslim and terrorist simple.
911 happened in NYC arabushi was driving with one of his friends who looked also arabushi, they spoke English just like any blue skin in the land.
his friend was talking about how angry about how since he couldn't be a blue skin like the most of his other friends who were blue.
friend told arabushi that he is been watching the news for some time, and he noticed that people that looks like himself have been bombed the shit out of them by the states. and he was frustrated.
because he is here wants relate to blue people but blue people in his level really dont want his type, even tho he speaks exactly the same as they are,
as they were speaking and driving cops in south Carolina stopped them,
the copper told the guy your gonna go to jail because you an arab and a Muslim and terrorist simple.
The reason
April 4th, 1984.
He sat back. A sense of complete helplessness had descended upon him. To begin with, he did not know with any certainty that this was 1984. It must be round about that date, since he was fairly sure that his age was thirty-nine, and he believed that he had been born in 1944 or 1945; but it was never possible nowadays to pin down any date within a year or two.
For whom, it suddenly occurred to him to wonder, was he writing this diary? For the future, for the unborn. His mind hovered for a moment round the doubtful date on the page, and then fetched up with a bump against the Newspeak word DOUBLETHINK. For the first time the magnitude of what he had undertaken came home to him. How could you communicate with the future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him: or it would be different from it, and his predicament would be meaningless.
He sat back. A sense of complete helplessness had descended upon him. To begin with, he did not know with any certainty that this was 1984. It must be round about that date, since he was fairly sure that his age was thirty-nine, and he believed that he had been born in 1944 or 1945; but it was never possible nowadays to pin down any date within a year or two.
For whom, it suddenly occurred to him to wonder, was he writing this diary? For the future, for the unborn. His mind hovered for a moment round the doubtful date on the page, and then fetched up with a bump against the Newspeak word DOUBLETHINK. For the first time the magnitude of what he had undertaken came home to him. How could you communicate with the future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him: or it would be different from it, and his predicament would be meaningless.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
as i left the building heading to the office yesterday,
i was walking toward my car,
there were 2 yemnies crossing the road from the "cafeteria" Pepsi holding area,
and old and one seemed to be in his thirties,
that man saw a peace of a loaf of bread used for sandwiches laying on the road,
he picked it up and wanted to put it on the top of the Pepsi holding are wall,
the wall had shards of glasses to keep "thieaves" from getting in.
he tired and couldnt reach, so the young man slightly thinner and taller, took it from him and put there scured from peoples kicking it or messin it.
i wondered allot about that, it made it clear to me that
it might in these 2 men something of sort of resentment mixed with need. living in this place
i was walking toward my car,
there were 2 yemnies crossing the road from the "cafeteria" Pepsi holding area,
and old and one seemed to be in his thirties,
that man saw a peace of a loaf of bread used for sandwiches laying on the road,
he picked it up and wanted to put it on the top of the Pepsi holding are wall,
the wall had shards of glasses to keep "thieaves" from getting in.
he tired and couldnt reach, so the young man slightly thinner and taller, took it from him and put there scured from peoples kicking it or messin it.
i wondered allot about that, it made it clear to me that
it might in these 2 men something of sort of resentment mixed with need. living in this place
Thursday, February 19, 2009
the loss of reason
I think I am going through some rough transitional phase and I don’t like the way it is going.
When I got back from St. Louis, I felt fresh though I wasn’t really freshly graduated, I felt fresh here because the place seemed like an concurred territory, I left the use as the economic slow down was getting to it’s pinnacle.
Getting started in here I think and still believe a needs a society that have real initiative.
I setup some common goals to be able to achieve in here, and also in the back of my mind I had to settle some of my previous relationships in the US and around
In a society like this I don’t know why people still would want to get married, really I don’t, I think companion ship is something understandable its just marriage is really made to either full fill the parents under achievement, or to extend the blood line for the father’s family, as the mother wont get it recognized here no matter what.
When I got back from St. Louis, I felt fresh though I wasn’t really freshly graduated, I felt fresh here because the place seemed like an concurred territory, I left the use as the economic slow down was getting to it’s pinnacle.
Getting started in here I think and still believe a needs a society that have real initiative.
I setup some common goals to be able to achieve in here, and also in the back of my mind I had to settle some of my previous relationships in the US and around
In a society like this I don’t know why people still would want to get married, really I don’t, I think companion ship is something understandable its just marriage is really made to either full fill the parents under achievement, or to extend the blood line for the father’s family, as the mother wont get it recognized here no matter what.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
you are a mute with a wide mouth
you are deaf will big ears huge drums
your blind by ignorance and have wide eyes
your limbs are intact but you cant walk, run jump
your arms are wide but you cant reach, hug, hold
you are complete but you think that you aren't
you are hard on those who are universally weak
you pretend what you are not
you are what you are not
who are you ?
what you want ?
you are deaf will big ears huge drums
your blind by ignorance and have wide eyes
your limbs are intact but you cant walk, run jump
your arms are wide but you cant reach, hug, hold
you are complete but you think that you aren't
you are hard on those who are universally weak
you pretend what you are not
you are what you are not
who are you ?
what you want ?
Friday, January 16, 2009
gaza
Confusion is the only thing that comes to mind when all the Gaza war happened, all of the sudden to me at least it made no sense, I tired with all my mind to get to as much as possible to understand the dull rather numb of people around me saudi, these are relatives these are friends and so forth,
My friend in the state called me up, I told him that the way things are heading is that people re trying to head to where the people “ white people” or anything thereafter to them, meaning white people seemed to me at least that they really don’t care about what their country is doing or not doing around the world,
Its amazing a Saudi is as American as an American is American, and perhaps an isrealy with some limitation.
to what or not the Saudi can do or say, we are.
I can see it clear I just cant explain it well.
My friend in the state called me up, I told him that the way things are heading is that people re trying to head to where the people “ white people” or anything thereafter to them, meaning white people seemed to me at least that they really don’t care about what their country is doing or not doing around the world,
Its amazing a Saudi is as American as an American is American, and perhaps an isrealy with some limitation.
to what or not the Saudi can do or say, we are.
I can see it clear I just cant explain it well.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
it wont going to happen
few days ago, the Gaza strike started, walked around office trying to see what is on everyone’s mind, I found out to my surprise either I was attempting to talk about a topic that can’t be talked about, or it’s just the way things had grown here that this Gaza topic is a not really a topic.
I was surprised because I learned now that Gaza is like a non declared taboo the suffering in Palestine, and death on the screen Jazeera showing mutilated bodies are on videos, those people I talked with did not give the response that used to be given some years ago.
Gaza became something of a taboo it is on the terrorist list now you talk about and there would be people watching over you in fear that you might be Daboos
I was surprised because I learned now that Gaza is like a non declared taboo the suffering in Palestine, and death on the screen Jazeera showing mutilated bodies are on videos, those people I talked with did not give the response that used to be given some years ago.
Gaza became something of a taboo it is on the terrorist list now you talk about and there would be people watching over you in fear that you might be Daboos
Sunday, December 21, 2008
December 21, 2008
Today was the day that the statement “the Chicken came home to roost” happened to me today.
as it is since coming back I got to learn more or more less about society here or rather some more stuff is raveled while staying here, I say reveled because of my father, and reveled since it had to do with the society as whole I cant generalize about the whole society of the country since Jeddah is the only place I have lived in, but I had heard things are not really that different in other places around.
I had a meeting gathering in at JCCI it was in the sunrise time, I had suggested to my uncle to come with me, a move seen by others as mad move,
I went around nine in the morning I waited for uncle to come out, I think the wait was for 15 min a black guy from a security company was sitting with real armed security guards, the guy approached the window of the small corolla.
He came over and knocked on the driver side window, I opened the window and he asked what business I have here “you are waiting here –he said that or something to that effect”
I told him I am not moving this car and its better for him to just go, and shouted near the guards saying that I wont move,
The guards being lazy nad his nothing to do wanted to get to the subject,
Now here is the situation, normally these things when occur, its almost always will be a fight fist fights even, some of these fight in here are brutal in Jeddah I can say in the US too American are in fact violent people no matter how they paint it.
In my case nothing happened except some trash talk from the both sides, Now the new twist was that these guards were bullshitting in bedu accent, they are from south part of the land, and they looked dehydrated as well, but they felt that this abuse by me to this poor black man was made in purpose, I didn’t care, and I still don’t.
I remember things like this in the past in here, Jeddah from all cities seems to suffer more than anywhere else in this country, and the people who are on both sides of this conflict seem not care, and those who are in the middle seem to suffer the most, because they are neither rich nor poor and they cant claim to either side no one wants them and they always take the fall in these type of things.
Just like the US just like any other places, it is not nationalism any more it something deeper
as it is since coming back I got to learn more or more less about society here or rather some more stuff is raveled while staying here, I say reveled because of my father, and reveled since it had to do with the society as whole I cant generalize about the whole society of the country since Jeddah is the only place I have lived in, but I had heard things are not really that different in other places around.
I had a meeting gathering in at JCCI it was in the sunrise time, I had suggested to my uncle to come with me, a move seen by others as mad move,
I went around nine in the morning I waited for uncle to come out, I think the wait was for 15 min a black guy from a security company was sitting with real armed security guards, the guy approached the window of the small corolla.
He came over and knocked on the driver side window, I opened the window and he asked what business I have here “you are waiting here –he said that or something to that effect”
I told him I am not moving this car and its better for him to just go, and shouted near the guards saying that I wont move,
The guards being lazy nad his nothing to do wanted to get to the subject,
Now here is the situation, normally these things when occur, its almost always will be a fight fist fights even, some of these fight in here are brutal in Jeddah I can say in the US too American are in fact violent people no matter how they paint it.
In my case nothing happened except some trash talk from the both sides, Now the new twist was that these guards were bullshitting in bedu accent, they are from south part of the land, and they looked dehydrated as well, but they felt that this abuse by me to this poor black man was made in purpose, I didn’t care, and I still don’t.
I remember things like this in the past in here, Jeddah from all cities seems to suffer more than anywhere else in this country, and the people who are on both sides of this conflict seem not care, and those who are in the middle seem to suffer the most, because they are neither rich nor poor and they cant claim to either side no one wants them and they always take the fall in these type of things.
Just like the US just like any other places, it is not nationalism any more it something deeper
How bedu murders happen
Today was the day to which, the statement the “Past caught up with my present” happened today, and as it is since coming back I got , I got to learn more or less about society here or kind of..; more stuff is revealed while staying here I say revealed because of my father, and revealed since it had to do with the society as whole I cannot generalize about the whole society since Jeddah is the only place I live in and I never got to be in other towns or villages.
I had a meeting a gathering at the JCCI in the morning,
I had suggested to my uncle to come with, a move seen by my father as a bad move,
I went around ten in the morning I waited for uncle to come out, I think something like 15 minutes had passed when a around a dark guy perhaps middle 20’s approached my father’s car, he was part of a security company that was sitting or camping outside a small pity villa, with other guys from the Saudi national guards.
from my understanding these guys in uniform are “soldiers” I say that because they were wearing the brown sand checkered uniform seen by many here,
the guy who approached the window of the car was a small and he came to about the same size of the Corolla that my father owns, he gestured to talk, and knocked on the window so I opened it.
From the moment he approached I figured something was going to happen either an argument, a fight it the norm in here I really say that and I believe in it, and now its to about pointing out negatives in here it’s just as I said the norm,.
he came over and knocked on the driver side window, I opened the window he asked me saying… “the guys over there the soldiers are asking if you have something around here… because you are stopping and waiting here –
I told him this is my uncle’s home and I am waiting for him to come over why ?,
he didn’t answer instead he did something predictable, I noticed allot blacks working with anything bedu, he did the shouting bullshit game thing, and it went something like “soldiers this guy won’t move” as he finished it was my uncle’s exit from his house, so now that security kid went behind the solider boys and started throwing insults, uncle as with the most of the radical went on and insulted and as it goes with Bedouin hired in these places there is a feeling of that they insult behind the suite they are wearing as to, if he wasn’t wearing it he wouldn’t normally insult you, so some insulting went on I ignored them and when my uncle asked to stop the car I did and I had to open the door and follow, it had to do nothing with fighting I in fact had no intentions in fighting them which is as usual understood wrongly here pussy!
At any rate nothing happened so we go back and or rather I had to take him back to his home and long and behold as usually history picks up with me, the Bedouin in suites had took off their suites and brought in some of their fastest guys and were ready to fight, so I figured there has to be fight or it looked like atypical Bedouin fight the changed so they can fight. Nothing happened again I had to intuition to fight and even if it happened I was intending of saying what was on my mind and then I guess fight,
But there is problem, these boys are in effect hiding behind the suite plus, if the thing went on it is really unclear to what will happen, it is assumed that they will have and upper hand in this even if I had beat them they are in a union type so I guess they will all stick together plus they are bedu and bedu are nasty in almost all situations, so they were trying to fright us no more and so I ignored I had to no time for either thing, so I ignored
I had to take the car to my father and know how he won’t take my side in almost anything I was quite and he asked, sometimes my father’s fear makes to me, and I feel I honestly do that I do not have anything in this place so in I don’t have a back as well, bunch of hadrmiy people never got together nor they ever wanted to form any kind of strong alliance we are fractured and pretend that we are not but that is a different story, my father asked what is wrong as he always ask and I told him and he acted limp as always fear, but I always think that he should stick together no freaky time, what is at issue is whether or not it is justified to be insulted by someone and keep getting insulted for who you are, and what u stand for and here is the thing you did not step on no owned toe you are mind your business and you are walking by the wall and your head is on the ground so why live in such fear
So what is your fear from then? I have to fear me getting on these boy’s nerve just for my presence, as always, just fear them for no reason, and the way I see it and I always do is I still have nothing to give nor take, I even tried to convey that to family, I sympathizes with and I had t do nothing with my uncle at all, this guy is not really bad his ideology is but its bullshit when he gets blamed just for associations no more, which is what happened with family and I really don’t like that,
I here there are no justices that I know, in here machismo is all the rage and still is, what is really astonishing is how this society grows and these things grow with it that is what is wrong that is what worrying, my mother and father are either weak people or strong only on us kids because we are on their realm but they keep forgetting that we as kids are dealing with society when we go out, so unless they assert confidence in us or just leave us to convince our self, I was actually freaking out or fearing because I was concerned about my father no more, plus it is that feeling that covers me before physical fight, when I go into on I always try to win it from all sides or at least have the upper advantage but in this case what is wining and what is losing in fighting in Saudi? Seriously what is it ?
in here if you have no back to lay on the u don't do anything,
in the states I had only myself so I really did not care, about only about myself
but I am plagued by my past in here I can’t do anything without thinking about my weak father and mother, but if I do be thinking like that I suffer to be weak and to be weak here is to be opened to almost everything positive and negative but mostly nigavte there are no really positive here.
it is like the mob days in the 30's they were giving the biggest gift to people rich and poor a back for some money and "respect" we are not far from cave time no matter how much we think we are.
I had a meeting a gathering at the JCCI in the morning,
I had suggested to my uncle to come with, a move seen by my father as a bad move,
I went around ten in the morning I waited for uncle to come out, I think something like 15 minutes had passed when a around a dark guy perhaps middle 20’s approached my father’s car, he was part of a security company that was sitting or camping outside a small pity villa, with other guys from the Saudi national guards.
from my understanding these guys in uniform are “soldiers” I say that because they were wearing the brown sand checkered uniform seen by many here,
the guy who approached the window of the car was a small and he came to about the same size of the Corolla that my father owns, he gestured to talk, and knocked on the window so I opened it.
From the moment he approached I figured something was going to happen either an argument, a fight it the norm in here I really say that and I believe in it, and now its to about pointing out negatives in here it’s just as I said the norm,.
he came over and knocked on the driver side window, I opened the window he asked me saying… “the guys over there the soldiers are asking if you have something around here… because you are stopping and waiting here –
I told him this is my uncle’s home and I am waiting for him to come over why ?,
he didn’t answer instead he did something predictable, I noticed allot blacks working with anything bedu, he did the shouting bullshit game thing, and it went something like “soldiers this guy won’t move” as he finished it was my uncle’s exit from his house, so now that security kid went behind the solider boys and started throwing insults, uncle as with the most of the radical went on and insulted and as it goes with Bedouin hired in these places there is a feeling of that they insult behind the suite they are wearing as to, if he wasn’t wearing it he wouldn’t normally insult you, so some insulting went on I ignored them and when my uncle asked to stop the car I did and I had to open the door and follow, it had to do nothing with fighting I in fact had no intentions in fighting them which is as usual understood wrongly here pussy!
At any rate nothing happened so we go back and or rather I had to take him back to his home and long and behold as usually history picks up with me, the Bedouin in suites had took off their suites and brought in some of their fastest guys and were ready to fight, so I figured there has to be fight or it looked like atypical Bedouin fight the changed so they can fight. Nothing happened again I had to intuition to fight and even if it happened I was intending of saying what was on my mind and then I guess fight,
But there is problem, these boys are in effect hiding behind the suite plus, if the thing went on it is really unclear to what will happen, it is assumed that they will have and upper hand in this even if I had beat them they are in a union type so I guess they will all stick together plus they are bedu and bedu are nasty in almost all situations, so they were trying to fright us no more and so I ignored I had to no time for either thing, so I ignored
I had to take the car to my father and know how he won’t take my side in almost anything I was quite and he asked, sometimes my father’s fear makes to me, and I feel I honestly do that I do not have anything in this place so in I don’t have a back as well, bunch of hadrmiy people never got together nor they ever wanted to form any kind of strong alliance we are fractured and pretend that we are not but that is a different story, my father asked what is wrong as he always ask and I told him and he acted limp as always fear, but I always think that he should stick together no freaky time, what is at issue is whether or not it is justified to be insulted by someone and keep getting insulted for who you are, and what u stand for and here is the thing you did not step on no owned toe you are mind your business and you are walking by the wall and your head is on the ground so why live in such fear
So what is your fear from then? I have to fear me getting on these boy’s nerve just for my presence, as always, just fear them for no reason, and the way I see it and I always do is I still have nothing to give nor take, I even tried to convey that to family, I sympathizes with and I had t do nothing with my uncle at all, this guy is not really bad his ideology is but its bullshit when he gets blamed just for associations no more, which is what happened with family and I really don’t like that,
I here there are no justices that I know, in here machismo is all the rage and still is, what is really astonishing is how this society grows and these things grow with it that is what is wrong that is what worrying, my mother and father are either weak people or strong only on us kids because we are on their realm but they keep forgetting that we as kids are dealing with society when we go out, so unless they assert confidence in us or just leave us to convince our self, I was actually freaking out or fearing because I was concerned about my father no more, plus it is that feeling that covers me before physical fight, when I go into on I always try to win it from all sides or at least have the upper advantage but in this case what is wining and what is losing in fighting in Saudi? Seriously what is it ?
in here if you have no back to lay on the u don't do anything,
in the states I had only myself so I really did not care, about only about myself
but I am plagued by my past in here I can’t do anything without thinking about my weak father and mother, but if I do be thinking like that I suffer to be weak and to be weak here is to be opened to almost everything positive and negative but mostly nigavte there are no really positive here.
it is like the mob days in the 30's they were giving the biggest gift to people rich and poor a back for some money and "respect" we are not far from cave time no matter how much we think we are.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
From Makkah to Menaa the 4 million legacy
Makkah and pilgrimage,
this is Mina, it was on Friday afternoon, I get a call from the guys at the paper, they tell me where you at?,
I told them I am home of course I might be going to Madina instead of our tirp to Makkah, he said no you cant because you had secured a ride to Makka and maybe to Mina, I said ok i ll be there in short time.
I rushed into the room I gathered anything that i thought was right to put into the a small traveling bag.
4+ Million people in a 7 kilometer parameter is something to be experienced, it is during prayer time that you see all those millions heading to one direction and it adds to the owe of the place.
this is Mina, it was on Friday afternoon, I get a call from the guys at the paper, they tell me where you at?,
I told them I am home of course I might be going to Madina instead of our tirp to Makkah, he said no you cant because you had secured a ride to Makka and maybe to Mina, I said ok i ll be there in short time.
I rushed into the room I gathered anything that i thought was right to put into the a small traveling bag.
4+ Million people in a 7 kilometer parameter is something to be experienced, it is during prayer time that you see all those millions heading to one direction and it adds to the owe of the place.
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