Followers

Sunday, December 06, 2009

I think the question is this, do people from developed culture see themselves different, and I think the question in this case is do they put their differences ahead of any relations ?

i think that is what had shocked me then, and i think the unclear

i think this relationship showed more than just 'inter relationship"
i think what had happened is that it show how much those coming from moderate backgrounds and from the Arab world in short from developing countries, third world countries have to learn about those who come from developed countries.

even though she came from a humble back ground she still had all those aspects of her culture and back ground, to me she seemed like atypical nice person and i think i burned my self allot with her issues that if it was in her nation those are considered normal issues and are dealt with proficiently something to which people in here still suffer from.

i think this showed how much people from third world countries appear vulnerable when they meet with people from such places, especially Japan I think or maybe not.

there many things that have been written about the Japanese, about their life about their conduct about whether or not they fit most of the developed world's culture or not.

interestingly this is something i noticed when i wrote about the Ainu long ago, i think Japanese knew then and there at the time around 19th century that the only way for them to impress those peers is to dazzle them at any cost of their country, that way Japan is in affect an Asian country with some exceptions things that still persists into this world still.

i had almost all my hopes and dreams based on what we will or will not be able to do in the future whether it will be in Saudi or in Japan or in the States, it just showed so much potential something to which I noticed people in here always think the white man can bring them from overseas, as in they lost hope in development from within themselves and left it to other people to think and lead the way for them and so they put all kind of hopes toward them.

this explains Ahamed Shugry's show on MBC this past Ramadan even though i did not watch the whole show, Ahamed though from well to do family, and well established at least here in Jeddah;
went to Japan and made video about his visit and about his observations which was all awes and wows. nothing new i thought and I think I was right about my assessments that was right Japan has and is been like this for long time, they are not waiting for his reaction they are waiting if any for white people's reactions not ours


That part I did not understood, and I perceived it as plain cold behavior, also I never got why it was hard for her to discuss our differences, both educated both garner good common knowledge, is it really hard for girls to talk their mind or is it Japanese girls, these questions were tough answers to come with and we never were able to come to conclusions with and I still blame it on those artificial differences she brought up from her country.

At heart Japanese are not democratic at best they are nationalistic people and conservatism and that stuff shows in the they are not liberal nor anything they just happened to be able to do things like developed countries and they were able to imitate them then and they still do.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

found and lost

last night as I came from work, there was small cat crying by the door, she was really small and pathetic she was sitting near the same place where there was another small cat I have been feeding in the past few months,

I ignored her and kept moving toward the door, I got in and I found small bird that perhaps lost its way and got inside the building, I tried to capture and I succeed at the end.
I took it to the roof and I let it go the bird shit on me couple times.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Life moves on.

I wasn't feeling right last week, the situation had me thinking about many things about my life.

In particular this issue was raised, and that was how much ones think he knows and how much he thinks he don't know…very broad statement however is it possible that one looks upon things through a lens can previous experience really matter at the end or not ?

What really counts as an experience at the end?

I think of my mistakes and things that I had planned in the past, and those ones that could or might have happened if we were to be together.

I can recall my few years after she left me, with some kind of amazement indeed.. if it was not for school and work and the struggle involved in between, I am not sure what I would have done then, living alone like I did.

Also think from her side which is normal, she did not see the situation the same way I saw it, I was struggling with my visa and with my stay papers, and I had flipped through schools and majors at schools plus on more personal level I was a afraid to fly in America ever since 2003 to be exact I think the shit put on television got to me at last thought that was not the case before.
There with security guards stopping any brown person Latino or otherwise
I think I mentioned to her on many times and I think either she did not understand or she really did not care or maybe I don’t know.

Could it be possible that I over estimated the whole thing ?
Could it be possible I cant call this all as in amateur move at all which brings me to my point...its not.

This was a normal love story and broader patrol and inspection officers were the ones playing the inbetweens.
Plus it show how much those two cultures developed and undeveloped some how cant mix with out a power struggle of some sort,.

On the personal level I think I hated the fact that she did not tell me all this at the end or in the process of being together, I think that is what angered me, this loose way of doing things did not work and I think that was perhaps hurts me the most, the lack of communications and loosing at the common solution.

I had tried on many occasions to assimilate to that culture I think I did well except I did not do well in the language part, out of laziness but more I drew from those who were in similar situations around and they also did not bother to know more about that language or culture because at the end it wasn't what got them in the relationship in the first place.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Highly likely bullshit

I have been wondering for sometime
as to what point one tries to make something work and think at the end it will when it doesn't
I think as one gets to be back home he/she is very much inclined to listen and pay attention to the environment around him or her.
I think that’s what people call ‘realistic’ this means you can think all you want about something but if the people around find that thing highly unlikely then it’s not real and it’s not even in consideration.
One good example that I am dealing with or dealt with,
Breaking up in a relationship is hard, on both sides what about when that relationship is also a long distance relationship such as those made on the net, or those who the people actually had met and then had to take different paths , there are always extremes I noticed when one tries to fix such relationship its always about keep in contact and be in touch, what these advices fail to tell is the persons involved are in affect into fixing or are they really into going their own way.
I think woman are more of wanting to go their own way more so than men.
I mean it did not take long for her to listen to the people around her, it's amazing how the few and around can change someone who they feel is not conforming to the ideals of the surroundings,
I noticed now it seems relevant to pick on things such as age and looks, and look back at things that seemed normal, how is that so ?
I think I have seen such attitudes in South east Asians or at least the people I had worked with, they seemed to diss those who they had worked with or left them for good during a dispute or something similar. Is that normal ? if so when did it start

Future that changes realtions ?

is it really the Future that changes relations ?

funny she thinks that i am still stuck in the past, and worse in the past memories, how can one person be so stupids ?
it is not the past memories that i am stuck in it is the future that i was upset about,
this will be a limited life span get married and make some babies and live normal life when normal did not show up on their grounds since WWII

these are people who Americans, Koreans and Chinese wants them to be just like that Artificial people, notice how much they do to show the world they are as the rest but they are still stuck in that 80's mentalist i dont think they will ever recover from it and they by showing new comers attitude they are not helping as well

The Saudi Gajin

she cant seem to be able to explain to him that they are not for each others
he thought that it was all possible,
for him things dont makes sense as how fast things can do change
it is amazing how the pressure for settling down for woman sometimes seem hard
This is a lady from Japan, she lives in a small island in the north of Japan, she was involved with a guy from Saudi, and they kept some aspect of their relationship a live, by phone calls and emails and so forth
she had to leave the States and head back to her country and try to fit into her own society after she had spent most of her years in the US, this is all prior to 9/11 which is important to the way things had been between them.
he saw that as an opportunity to excel on himself after all Saudi is a developing country and most Saudis at least he had met sought in getting married or aquatinted with people from the 'First World' as something good to have around.
However with this Japanese girl she seemed to know what she wanted, in fact from his talk he always noticed how they seem well organized Japanese students who came to the states seemed to him that US seemed to them as the culture that over stepped theirs conquered them in their homeland in Japan and it something they had to keep a close eye at.
admittedly she knew what she wanted there were signs of extreme self love and self loath in the same time
and most of the time acts as an underachiever a person a student who fails to achieve her potential or does not do as well as expected, even though she had real good comprehension of what she was doing or not doing, he always wondered why.
What amazed him was there were no apparent potential of her that she could identifies and always strive to get to the utmost pinnacle but always there was this Japanese self doubt in her that he saw in most of them.
I think that is the Japanese society that most Japanese like to talk about, as something genuinely Japanese, it is not for the simple reason that it did not show up in the past of their recorded history, and showed up in the 18-19th century i.e after science and democracy was introduced to them from the outside,
I think a Japanese person looks at big companies there and thinks that he she is small to these companies so he is even smaller to the world experience as whole, this not humble i think this is a sign of unfreeze thinking society and very limited in life experience , notice Life experience not nature experience.

this girl is the best example in this case, she feels that Japanese pressure, Japanese people are aware of their country's economic export superiority
very easy manipulated people, and very poor in human interaction and sometimes racist as well,
this is what he thought he was going to change but he couldn't she was going to go back to her home and live that Japanese life,

Thursday, October 01, 2009

there is this guy who went to Japan
he visited and talked and compared to the land
"let me say that again"
what's really great about Japan anyway?
what is great about the US anyway?
it is money that sway away thoughts and things
The saint louis summer times

Was the best times ? was it the good times
In either case it was sometimes and it passed.
I want to settle down she said I cant forget you but I want to she told
I walk around and I look at things you know, I want move on but I am weak to say it.
I want you to know that I loved long ago.
I want you hear me when I am alone you know
I moved and its only you who is attached to this you see.
I want to leave the saint Louis summer alone with its goodness.
We are but different people you and I you cant get it why I cant say.
I live a different life I do, I want to
We are not the same saint Louis is not the same
Since 2004 I couldn’t see why we are together
By 05 06 07 08 09 ! why cant you just let me go
I want attention not this kind though
We were something we are not anymore
Let me go and let saint Louis times go along
Time to move one and you should too

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dry hairy love

his uncle told him its time to head to jeddah, they had lived in this small village in the south for long time and it was time for them to head lil bit north.

the uncle knew from his father that this place the village is nothing, and he cant and wont be able to make a living in this place,

there is Jeddah that city where he can go there and do some work at the sea port, do some labor work and things will improve.

after a long while, his son hated all the facts his dad was telling him about " I have a Phd degree, I sit down with all theses nice people in the city, what you mean you were just tea boy at some gov building?"

" thats the way it was, plus if it wasn't for that job I wouldn't be able to get u kids these good things you wanted"

never-ending HO

He put his back on the wall in the dark hallway of the building in Sharafia, all sweating nervous and he cant focus, he had a hard time from this just last encounter with the girl he has been looking at in her window.

they were just together till someone or something moved the door at the rooftop entry, when he had to rush fast downstairs.

he stood with the hard on, dark hallway,started banging back his head to the wall, " Why I cant stop my sexual urges, I tired it all I did it all I think U did all type of woman, men, animals I did them all why god why cant I stop wanting sex I really cant I got married I got divorced I have kids what is this why is that why me"

the first real love child

sometimes during high school, it was one of those rare few times he had pumped into Adel a neighbor and a child hood friend a good friend to his elder brother.

in fact Adel's family were from those few families who had moved to this deserted area just as as his grandfather did 25 years ago.

Around that time a family of Palestinian lived there, all kids in the same neighborhood, their second eldest son Khalid and his other brothers,they were poor but they looked good at least of impoverished people.

He only got to see Khalid one more time for the last time during High school Khalid was riding a GM suburban 88 or 89 Grey with him rode a chubby slightly dark girl who was pregnant at the time.

Khalid with Adle who was riding with them on the back seat this time plus an infant girl who was the love child of khalid and and the chubby girl. the mom was harbia and Khalid was the father.

he haven't seen him after that, but he did bump into his younger brother who was working at another Palestinian old man in Al Andalus selling candy serving plates.

white eyes blue skin

Arabushi grew up in the states, he wasn't born there but he was raised there.
911 happened in NYC arabushi was driving with one of his friends who looked also arabushi, they spoke English just like any blue skin in the land.
his friend was talking about how angry about how since he couldn't be a blue skin like the most of his other friends who were blue.
friend told arabushi that he is been watching the news for some time, and he noticed that people that looks like himself have been bombed the shit out of them by the states. and he was frustrated.
because he is here wants relate to blue people but blue people in his level really dont want his type, even tho he speaks exactly the same as they are,

as they were speaking and driving cops in south Carolina stopped them,
the copper told the guy your gonna go to jail because you an arab and a Muslim and terrorist simple.

The reason

April 4th, 1984.

He sat back. A sense of complete helplessness had descended upon him. To begin with, he did not know with any certainty that this was 1984. It must be round about that date, since he was fairly sure that his age was thirty-nine, and he believed that he had been born in 1944 or 1945; but it was never possible nowadays to pin down any date within a year or two.

For whom, it suddenly occurred to him to wonder, was he writing this diary? For the future, for the unborn. His mind hovered for a moment round the doubtful date on the page, and then fetched up with a bump against the Newspeak word DOUBLETHINK. For the first time the magnitude of what he had undertaken came home to him. How could you communicate with the future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him: or it would be different from it, and his predicament would be meaningless.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

as i left the building heading to the office yesterday,
i was walking toward my car,
there were 2 yemnies crossing the road from the "cafeteria" Pepsi holding area,
and old and one seemed to be in his thirties,
that man saw a peace of a loaf of bread used for sandwiches laying on the road,
he picked it up and wanted to put it on the top of the Pepsi holding are wall,
the wall had shards of glasses to keep "thieaves" from getting in.
he tired and couldnt reach, so the young man slightly thinner and taller, took it from him and put there scured from peoples kicking it or messin it.
i wondered allot about that, it made it clear to me that
it might in these 2 men something of sort of resentment mixed with need. living in this place

Thursday, February 19, 2009

the loss of reason

I think I am going through some rough transitional phase and I don’t like the way it is going.

When I got back from St. Louis, I felt fresh though I wasn’t really freshly graduated, I felt fresh here because the place seemed like an concurred territory, I left the use as the economic slow down was getting to it’s pinnacle.

Getting started in here I think and still believe a needs a society that have real initiative.

I setup some common goals to be able to achieve in here, and also in the back of my mind I had to settle some of my previous relationships in the US and around

In a society like this I don’t know why people still would want to get married, really I don’t, I think companion ship is something understandable its just marriage is really made to either full fill the parents under achievement, or to extend the blood line for the father’s family, as the mother wont get it recognized here no matter what.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

you are a mute with a wide mouth
you are deaf will big ears huge drums
your blind by ignorance and have wide eyes
your limbs are intact but you cant walk, run jump
your arms are wide but you cant reach, hug, hold
you are complete but you think that you aren't

you are hard on those who are universally weak
you pretend what you are not
you are what you are not
who are you ?
what you want ?

Friday, January 16, 2009

gaza

Confusion is the only thing that comes to mind when all the Gaza war happened, all of the sudden to me at least it made no sense, I tired with all my mind to get to as much as possible to understand the dull rather numb of people around me saudi, these are relatives these are friends and so forth,

My friend in the state called me up, I told him that the way things are heading is that people re trying to head to where the people “ white people” or anything thereafter to them, meaning white people seemed to me at least that they really don’t care about what their country is doing or not doing around the world,

Its amazing a Saudi is as American as an American is American, and perhaps an isrealy with some limitation.
to what or not the Saudi can do or say, we are.
I can see it clear I just cant explain it well.