I a guy was hired shortly after I was let go, my friend at the old job called me up and said that, that guy had made a statement about the job and the office and all that, I always thought of doing something similar it just never formalized, so instead I am going to be using his statement though i don’t agree with few things but overall it shows some insight.
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“You stay until 5:30. Those are the hours and you will be here until 5:30.” I smiled as my bosses chin jiggled with anger. I couldn't’t wait to get home and show my girlfriend his penguin waddle. I wonder if anyone in the office has asked him what happened to make him walk in such a peculiar way.
“Will there be any more problems with you following the rules of the office Jeffery. We hire you because we think you smart enough to do as we say, but you continue and we have no choice but to get rid of you.” His five foot two inch frame looked strained. The circles around his eyes were darker than his brown skin. I’ve always had the hardest time understanding a foreign accent and now I’m working in an office full of them.
“If you have to fire me, I’m sure you’ve got another family member who needs a job.”
“Very funny smart guy. No, no, you crack us up, that’s very funny Jeffery. Because we have lots of family working here, I get it, its very smart, I see why you graduate from college.” There was no jiggling this time and I felt the distain he had for me, not that I could blame him. I took my seat and stared at the paper work I was supposed to be checking, I am quality control. I have been trying to lose this job since I started three days ago. God bless the mediocre work ethic in this country though. I’ve got a tried and true formula when it comes to office work. And before you start denouncing the formula there are of course exceptions to every rule.
For every hour you work, you spend one hour doing nothing. It’s that simple. You work half as much as you are told to work. Of course you can only pull this off at office jobs or jobs without any supervision. After 7 years of office work, my work ethic has never come into question. Some of you are probably thinking some bullshit about pride in your work and all other sort of capitalist propaganda, not that I blame you. I was brought up in the same public school systems as you. But unless you own your own business, what’s the point. I don’t have any benefits. Nothing happens to me if the company sees more profits and nothing happens if profits fall, in fact I often pray to my hands that profits do fall. Unemployment is a pretty sweet gig if you are still a bachelor and childless.
I try to avoid staring out the windows or blankly at a spot in the ceiling. The same rules from school apply to work. There are still write ups and there are still visits to an authority figures office. I’ve had some good jobs and I’ve had some bad jobs. Most are a combination of both and so it goes. You can’t always get away with discussing placenta sandwiches or saying its just skin. At my last job the boss had a giant poster of a sports car, it said, “Those who aren’t obsessed with money are poor.” I always found the poster to be disgusting and ignorant, but there is nothing wrong with that poster, at least its honest. When you set laws according to a certain economic system, the systems has no choice but to entrench itself in the culture in which it exists, it knows no other way and so I sit and waste another minute staring at the same numbers, forty-eight and six hundred thirty two.
The days go slow without the internet. I miss seducing the lonely fat girls and the men pretending to be women for who knows what reason. The only time I pretend to be a woman is to seduce lesbians. It’s ballsy to expect 8 full hours of work, they obviously haven’t assimilated yet. I get so tired of their damn work ethic. Even the bosses work second jobs on the weekends. I imagine it’s hard to be one of their children. Do they expect as much or more? The Muhammad Ali lookalike is the boss’s cousin. The others tell me he’s the spy on the office floor. He keeps looking at me as I type, so I try to keep the typing noises to a minimum.
“Babily, it’s snowing you know.” Only in desperation do I speak to the boss. It usually leads to a new work assignment or a review of what I have done for the day.
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